Small wins, Big changes

                        

It has been four months since I moved to Sweden for my PhD. Four months of discovering, unlearning and learning. I knew it was going to be challenging, but I did not quite anticipate how deeply I would feel the quietness of living alone. The eerie sound of silence, long nights, empty streets, and a stillness that was unfamiliar, everything overwhelmed me in the beginning. Back home, life was filled with familiar sounds, the noise of shared meals, and the comfort of casual touch, the simple ease of physical closeness. Winter made the solitude feel even heavier, but now spring is here. The days are getting warmer and longer, and people are outdoors, soaking in the sun. There’s a shift in the air, a quiet reminder that change, however slow, always comes. 

Four months in, and I have already moved three times since I arrived. Packing, unpacking, settling in, and starting over, each move could have been exhausting, but kindness made it easier. From strangers offering help to colleagues checking in, the process was far smoother than I had anticipated. People here may not express warmth in the ways I am used to, but I am learning to see kindness in smaller gestures. The grocery store cashier’s simple “Have a nice day”, a random person on a bicycle smiling at you, a stranger holding the door open, offering a hand when I struggled to walk on a slippery, icy road or even strangers helping me translate ingredients at the grocery store when I’m confused about what I am buying. These moments remind me that warmth exists everywhere, just in different shapes and sizes 🥹.  

There is also a certain liberation in living here. Walking with my headphones on as late as 11 at night, without worrying about the world, is something I don’t dare take for granted. Freedom comes in small ways, ways we don’t often count as substantial, but they shape our everyday lives in ways we only realize when we experience them.  

Making friends has been slow, not for a lack of kindness, people here are incredibly warm in their own way. But building meaningful connections takes time, and the transition from polite small talk to deep conversations is not always easy. Research keeps me busy, sometimes overwhelmed, too much to read, am I reading enough? am I smart enough? Imposter syndrome is starting to feel real. I remind myself that I came here not just to earn a title, but also to grow and become a better person. And while I do miss the spices and textures of home-cooked food, I’m finding small joys in new flavors, maybe in the variety of breads here or the simple pleasure of fika (coffee) breaks.

But as the weekend arrives, I do sometimes feel this odd pressure to go out and travel. It doesn’t always make sense, but the urge is there as if I should be doing something, seeing new places, making the most of my time here. But I am coming to terms with the fact that it is okay to just be. To stay in my apartment the whole weekend, wrapped in a blanket, watching random YouTube videos, and not feel guilty about it. Rest is also part of the experience.

 Some days are effortless while some are harder than others, but I am learning. Learning to sit with solitude, to appreciate the gentleness in Swedish kindness, and to create comfort in new ways. And as Zakir Khan once said, maybe belonging is not just about finding people who feel like home, it is also about learning to carry home within yourself and make your own home wherever you go.