Life as you like it.

 

It feels like like getting what you have always wished and realizing you have been wanting the wrong thing all throughout. 

It is a mixed feeling. 

I am happy yet my throat stifles each time I attempt to chuckle a bit.

And when I am sad, I need to sob hysterically yet my tears won’t fall that easily. 

I have a feeling that I am reviled and that I am cursed, a curse that I, no matter what in life, would always be sad and would consistently be pitiful. 

I cannot think of a worse curse than being dismal for a lifetime. 

I mean, life is the only thing that is in any way important right. 

But what’s the use of a life, where you can't appreciate and praise the little triumphs, little joys and the feeling of being alive.

I am definitely cursed.

What are you?

What are you? Some unreal mix of facts and fantasies? Nothing lasts forever, and forever is indeed a very long time, But I wouldn't mind if this feeling lasts forever. Momentary expectations never hurt or does it? I feel the Universe is in peace as long as everything is ephemeral. It's funny how we are so scared of obligations, isn't it?

But for you, I guess it's different and better. Well, at least I think so.

SO, this other day, I tried describing you - but words didn't do any justice. So then I tried - UNICORN! Magical, impeccable, UNREAL. 

Is it easy to let go of things which were never really yours in the first place? I think in our heads, everything is possible. You and me - POSSIBLE. Maybe, somewhere in a parallel universe, our love story is possible. And in that universe, I had be the one you fall for, our minds will be free of chaos, our hearts all detangled and sorted. We'll break free from all the complex strings of life. I'll not be afraid of taking chances anymore. I'll tell you what all I love and have ever loved and you'll listen to me with all your patience. We'll dance and groove to the songs I choose, go through all the changing seasons together. Your hands even though slightly bigger than mine, would fit perfectly. We'll read books, get drunk and tell our stories without any regrets. We'll ascend to places of our dreams and do jobs we love. 

But the reverie passed quickly and it has left me all embarrassed. I have finally managed to convince myself that there's no such thing as unicorn or a different universe. All I have is this universe. Just this universe!

You can't imagine smells, can you?

You happened, didn't you?

Will I keep asking this forever, were you ever here?